The OLD FiReCrAcKeR

Because it wouldn't post before.

FIRST BLOG of the night:
I'm wierd... but yeah, you the reader of this blog already know that. :)

I was just talking to my mom and a part of our phone conversation would have sounded really wierd to those who don't know my family... the whole "yeah, i just got out of the PD" or "yeah, i finally got out of the hospital." ... yeah. lol.

anyways. long day at work really wasn't that long. I guess the most annoying thing about daylight is the sheer amount of people you have to transfer on the phone. There's really not a whole lot of significant calls. (and as i say this, the world comes crashing down around me as the wrath of god unfurls...) Anyways. I work tomorrow night. I heart middays and nights!

Other than that, not much else is really new with me. Yesterday Kerri got her hair cut to the length of a little boy, and we spent the day finding pink clothes for her so nobody would mistake her for a boy in academy (since she is the only girl!). hahaha.

Then last night, I hung out with Carmina and we talked for the longest time, went back to the mall, and experimented with highlights and what not in my hair... yeah... NEGATIVE!! So i had to go to walmart for some emergency hair dye.... which made my hair reddish. Which looks kinda cool. Like i wanted it to be that way. Rockstar. (in my not-so lil jon voice) YEAH!


Anywhooo.


I was going through some stuff of mine... and I just read a letter from one of my friends and it was really very emotional and well written, and it even made me cry. Have you ever read something that made you cry, think about something more deeply, or even realize something that you never would have normally? I think everyone has at some point. Anyways, the point of this entry is that it really made me realize how incredibly lucky I am in every little part of my life. I think the point that i want to get across here is that words play an incredibly huge and important role in life... whether they are written, typed, or spoken.

"I guess the most important things are the hardest things to say. They are the things you get ashamed of because words diminish them. Words shrink things that seemed timeless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they are brought out."
~Leigh Michael Osment, 3/12/80-9/11/02


I know that i more often than not am blunt with my words... i think it's because i just like to get the point across and nothing more. Which i guess is a good thing. I do have trouble explaining things sometimes though... and Leigh's quote summs up all of it. Leave me a comment on your opinion on all of this

"Words do two major things: They provide food for the mind and create light for understanding and awareness"
~Jim Rohn

"If words are to enter men's minds and bear fruit, they must be the right words shaped cunningly to pass men's defenses and explode silently and effectually within their minds."
~J. B. Phillips

"But words are things, and a small drop of ink,
Falling like dew, upon a thought, produces
That which makes thousands, perhaps millions, think."
~Lord Byron

"One of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart that you can't utter."
~James Earl Jones

yep.


that said, i'm gone like free food in communications. Holler.


SIKE! Here's the SECOND BLOG OF THE NIGHT: Crossroads and thoughts

I was leafing through my live journal (leafers, hahaha... if you've seen family guy...) and found an entry from a while ago and decided to add to it and repost it to get your thoughts. If you read this, i WANT your thoughts. and i know who reads this... i have my ways ;) All of you profile stalkers...

So. Here's the question for all of you that read this and pay attention to my life... I think I'm at one of those crossroads (well, just got through a major one, and now you could say i'm at a T bone intersection) where you don't know exactly which path to choose, or what to do. One of those decisions that you're forced to make, but that will affect whatever you do for a period of time in your life. (just made that one) These things come up all the time... stuff that you ponder "what if?" about all the time. Like what if I went to V-tech instead of JMU? What would my life be like? What if i didn't join the organizations I was a part of? What if i waited a semester and joined KKPsi instead of TBS? What if Leigh wasn't in NYC on 9-11-01? What if my aunt was at work on the 92nd Floor of tower 2 that day? What if the person you thought you loved didn't hurt you? What if you WERE engaged or even MARRIED right now (or what if you weren't?)? What if I never moved to VA?

These are all questions to which obviously can't change the answer of, and shouldn't even bother contemplating. But I think it's part of human nature to want to contemplate these possible outcomes, and then we always tend to "beat oursellves up" if we realize we made a decision that we in time realize we don't like.

I'm kind of in the stage right now where i am beating myself up over a couple of things that i probably shouldn't be beating myself up over. I mean, in all theory nobody should beat themselves up...

I guess what it all boils down to is that fickle word we all tend use a lot... "love"

this silly word can be used in many situations... ex: "I love KFC mashed potatoes." or "I love -(name removed since time has since gone)-." When we use this word, we use it freely. IS there such thing as true and real love? You can't say you love maccaroni, and then turn around and say you love someone... and have both be the same meaning. I guess there are many different levels of love.

I'm kind of coping with finding the level that i'm at right now with various people and things in my life. and i guess just knowing where they stand as well with me.

I dunno... i guess coming from the background where my parents are divorced and in my general experience, i've seen it end in a bad way a few times.

i just don't know if i can believe. I guess i just need someone to show me how?