The OLD FiReCrAcKeR

Looking back over everything that happened this week... wow. Amazingness and lots of fun times. I don't think i've been this happy or had this much fun in a while! Wow. :)

Okay... starters. So... I reapplied for my job. Yeah you probably heard about it if you talked to me or if you read this blog. I decided I missed it this spring, thought a lot about it, and after debating a million and one things inside my head i decided to go for it. So... yeah. And i just got asked if i could work what i said i could in the fall. So i take that as an ok sign. We'll see what happens. I'd love to be back!

Second... i'm not going to talk about too much, since i have a tendency to jinx things and what not. But this week has been a lot of fun, a ton more fun than i've had in a long time... a really long time. So... thank you. (spank you?) I hope that there's a lot more fun in the future, cuz I'm ready for it... as long as you are. :-P

Third... Tess rocks my world for girl talk. :) I'm gonna miss you so much! You can always come visit me down here, and I'll make it a point to come visit you up there! Just go with the flow and see what happens :)

Ok. I might add to this later. We'll see. I'm off to the community band concert on the quad. Peace!

Aye... and that's exactly what happened today. ;)

Went to massanutten ("master nothing") for the beer and wine festival! Fun times... the cheese lady was crazy, and the wine was good, and the pork bbq with the cole slaw was DEFINATELY good! I found out that Coors brews Killians and that they bottle it in Elkton. WHAT?!?!?! One of my favorite beers, bottled right in my backyard. Who knew?!
(maybe it's a little scary that i just refered to elkton as my "backyard"...)

Then I came back here and passed out... like whoa.

Then I had a fun night with my sista's! Yay for our newest honorary! (And yay for eating cheese fries, and daves fries!)

Come to think of it, I haven't eaten anything "healthy" today. Chips, two pork bbq sandwiches, cheese fries, a "tiny" bit of spanky's mac and cheese, and Dave's taverna french fries. It's a wonder I don't get fat. It'll all bite me in the ass later in life now that I said that, so I'll stop talking now...

Alright... i'm gonna peace out. Stay alive, stay active, and...


don't forget to bring a towel! ;)

"Don't you see what genetically enhanced smart towels like this are capable of? You get out of the shower and dry yourself off. But even after you're dry, the towel makes you more dry. It keeps getting you dryer and dryer. Can you imagine it? What it would feel like to be way, way too dry? I'll tell you something: you don't want to know, and I don't know." – government guy, South Park Towelie episode (#73)

It's 8:30am and I'm sitting here thinking deep thoughts. Maybe it's too early... but I'm inspired by whatever reason, so I'm gonna write.

Graduation from college. It marks the end of a chapter of my life. Looking back over the past four years of my life, i wouldn't have them any other way. And it's those extracurricular lessons that I think are a million times more important than anything else...

Lessons I have learned:

Freshman Year:
--It's hard to get over a person who you really did love
--Jungle juice can (and will) knock you on your ass
--I like beer? (thank you Nick Ford)
--Sometimes, Easter is more fun to spend sitting on the floor of your dorm room eating motzoh and drinking Manischewitz ;)
--True friends are those who listen to you when you're completely wasted and help you out of the dryer when you fall in

Sophomore Year:
--When my parents got divorced, i found family at school, namely in the sisters of TBS
--There are people in this world that believe in you. Even if it isn't your family...
--Life is precious. Don't live a day with regrets, for you never know when your time will end...
--Freedom always will need to be defended. and we must always rise to the occasion.
--Codeine does NOT mix well with alcohol...
--K-Fun... let the K-funtimes begin
--Maybe the whole dating thing wasn't for me. been too long.

Junior Year:
--TBS alumni are crazy and I love them and my old DHB's
--APO... serving others and helping is what this world needs more of. Love, Care, Serve... in Leadership, Friendship, and Service.
--Sometimes Easter isn't more fun to spend on the couch of your friend's apartment...
--HPD is a fun place to hang out.
--Airsoft and camping... and learning to 4wheel
--I learned to eat meat. BACON!!


Senior Year...
-Nights i can't remember, with friends i'll never forget
--Freedom always will need to be defended. and we must always rise to the occasion... that is, it must be within reason.
--HPD is a fun place to... work
--Ireland's too expensive. ($8 USD/pint is not conducive to my drinking habits.)
--Sometimes it's the simple things that you need to be happy. Those nights at skyline drive, reddish knobb, the quarry... enjoy nature in all of it's beauty.
--Silence can speak volumes...

and last but not least:

I have a home. It's here. In all of it's beauty, all of it's splendor... and I could not ask for more.

DeeDee Sencindiver doesn't hate me! Yay! I'm still a freak girl that eats freak food though. ;)

So incredibly lazy... blah.

if i had the motivation to do it, i *should* be doing work... i mean money is a motivator, but it's sooooo much nicer to just sit here and not do anything. I mean i did do some stuff before... but now i'm ridiculously, incredibly, insanely L-A-Z-Y.

I guess it wasn't totally wasteful. Today i went to visit the beautiful Shenandoah National Park to do my research. Yeah, i brought my laptop up there on the mountain... so i wasn't "getting away" at all. But... it was kind of a reminder of the beautiful creation that surrounds us here in the valley, and of how we often tend to forget about the simple things, such as nature, that can bring so much joy into life.

"sometimes i can hear this whole world shouting
through the trees as the wind blows
that's why i'm here upon this mountain
to look though God's window... "
-Rascal Flatts, Mayberry

so that's my thoughts for today. God i love living so close to the forest. Anyone up for skinny dipping? hehe no really, i am an angel... ;)

ok i'm gonna go be lazy again. peace.

So. It's about 2:30am on a Thursday morning... and I'm still awake. lots of thoughts racing through my head. enough so that i'm gonna write about it here.

Billy Joel: And So it Goes
"In every heart there is a room
A sanctuary safe and strong
To heal the wounds from lovers past
Until a new one comes along

I spoke to you in cautious tones
You answered me with no pretense
And still I feel I said too much
My silence is my self defense

And every time I've held a rose
It seems I only felt the thorns
And so it goes, and so it goes
And so will you soon I suppose

But if my silence made you leave
Then that would be my worst mistake
So I will share this room with you
And you can have this heart to break

And this is why my eyes are closed
It's just as well for all I've seen
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows

So I would choose to be with you
That's if the choice were mine to make
But you can make decisions too
And you can have this heart to break

And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows..."

can that be any more of how i feel?? wow... so if you haven't figured it out, i still have an inner fear of rejection... if you knew the past, i guess you'd say it was understandable... and it screws me over... a lot. it's dealing with the past, and living on for the future. and... well... i haven't felt this way in a while (try about 4 years). i wish i could be normal.

"Love is always open arms. If you close your arms about love you will find that you are left holding only yourself."
~Leo Buscaglia~

maybe i've been holding myself for too long. maybe not enough? but, the only things in life you regret are the risks that you don't take.

i guess it's a risk worth taking... i just don't want to get hurt again... i don't think i would, but... well... i guess it's a trust issue.

Accept the things
To which fate binds you and
Love the people with whom fate
Brings you together
But do so with all your heart.
~ Marcus Aurelius ~

here's to trying... and i promise i will.

No really, i do. If there were a medal you could earn for sucking at life, i would be the recipient for a few years in a row.

I wish i could rewind life to last year. I'd be happy and doing my internship right now. Probably hanging around dispatch or doing a ride along. I miss those days. I miss that PD. I miss the people. God I miss working there.

Why did i have to screw up? Why do i suck at life? I don't know why i miss it and why i loved it so much... but i do know why i sucked at it. I think i'd be better now, but try to tell that to anyone, nobody will hire me. not as an officer, not as a dispatcher, not anyone at all. I'm sorry i had to take that many credits to finish school, I'm sorry i got mono... i'm sorry i suck at life.

I don't know where the road ahead is going to take me. but if i follow my heart it's right here, and nowhere else... which kind of sucks since i don't have a job and i have so many bills...

help me. hire me. hug me.

i guess i'll just sit here alone until something comes up.

Ok. Sorry for the rant but i have to post it.

::begin rant::

So, there's this guy who keeps talking to me and wanting to hang out and talk and what not and yeah it'd be all cool and nice and everything... except he's dating one of my good friends. So he keeps saying this shit and stuff to me, and it's not like I can just tell her, cuz i don't know how she'd react, and cuz of everything else that started the matter... but why the HELL would anyone want to date someone like that? What an ASSHOLE!!

I personally wouldn't want trust, let alone date a piece of scum that does that. First of all, he lied... a lot... and now he's lying again. I hate how he's all about dating her one minute and then how he tries to come onto me the next when she leaves the room or something. FUCK THAT. If you're dating someone at least be all about them and just them... and if you're not then don't date!!! Or for godsakes at least be honest! NO MORE stupid "pc" flirting.... NO MORE. I can't believe that he's such scum to do that... and to think that i actually did like him... AHH!! Stop trying to cheat on my friend with me... It's wrong. And I don't want to lose a friend because a pathetic guy like that. I really thought different of you... but i guess i shouldn't have.

You can't have the best of both worlds. And in my opinion you shouldn't even have the best of one.

So... good riddance, jackass.


I'm so tired of travelling to get away from this shit. i'm beginning to hate richmond again...

::end rant:::


Well, i just got back from the Marines guy. now i'm sitting around until 1:30ish when i get to go downtown to look at the apartment joanne picked out. i wish i knew what i was doing with my life... AHHH!

Right now my options stand as: Augusta EOC (if they call me back), VCU Police (if they ever get all of my recommendation letters), or going into the service. I don't know what to do. I just wish someone would sidewhip me with a ten foot poll and tell me what the hell to do.

::sigh::

So i decided today to look at some star chart stuff, out of boredom. Read my horoscope:

"Everyone is taking steps along his or her own path. Do what's right for you without asking permission or justifying your actions. If you feel proud, that's fine. But if you feel like sharing, you could be in for disappointment. Just because something looks like a major achievement to you doesn't mean that anyone else has to care about it. Consider these consequences carefully. If you fail to take a hint, there might soon be egg on your face. Before you set yourself up for something like this, take steps to discard the old and embrace the new."

hmmm.

THIS page explains a lot too. Check your sign.


So yeah. that's me.


Today i got the band music at Atlee. Aparantly i gotta come back next tues. for the guard meeting so i can meet the girls. Aw, it's gonna be so fun. It's a fiesta mexican carnival theme, and there's the mexican hat dance in the last carnival song... yay! maybe even a pinata or something. I'm gonna do some researching on the mexican carnival festivals. :)

Well, i gotta run. Emily's coming over tonight and we're getting a movie, and tomorrow i get to go see the maybe future apartment that Joanne picked out in the fan. We'll see what happens!

Back in h'burg tomorrow afternoon or wed. probably wed... peace

So I was just thinking of two of my favorite Sex and the City quotes ever, and figured I'd share them with those of you who actually read my blog:

"Maybe our mistakes are what make our fate. Without them, what would shape our lives? Perhaps if we never veered off course, we wouldn't fall in love, or have babies, or be who we are. After all, seasons change. So do cities. People come into your life and people go. But it's comforting to know the ones you love are always in your heart. And if you're very lucky, a plane ride away."
--Carrie, Season 4, Episode 66 "I heart NY"


"Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous."
--Carrie, Season 6, Episode 94 "An American Girl in Paris (Part Deux)"



The only problem is finding someone who even likes the you you love... i mean yeah, it truly would be fabulous. blah.


anyways...



I can't believe it's been 3 months... i miss my catherine.
fight the battle.

Goodnight.

So yeah. I'm back here in the 'ville. Not really richmond but holler. I get to hang out with my emily tomorrow, and hopefully see the downtown apartment. Score.

So now i seriously am thinking about enlisting as a marine or air force officer. What do you think? Should i? I need opinions. And a job. Like whoa.

Tomorrow i get to go to Atlee to visit and do guard stuff. I think i'm gonna go through all the flags and polls and stuff. I gotta take matt to school at 7:30 so I'm gonna go then. Yeah guard at 7:30am. woohoo.

Missing the burg. like whoa. i don't know why. what???

Well, i'll probably update again soon since it's so boring here. Or maybe i'll drive back to the 'burg tomorrow. either that or tues. We'll see.

and don't forget

http://www.johnkerryisadouchebagbutimvotingforhimanyway.com/


Yup.
Peace.

Ok. So i'm old. i had to go to bed real early (like midnight) tonight because i suck. anyways.

Tonight was... wierd. maybe if i didn't have a million and one feelings floating through my body right now i would have been myself. ::sigh:: It's a little bit funny, this feeling inside...

i feel really bad cuz i wasn't in the best of moods for brad to come up for. i think i really just needed to be alone and that was it and i kept getting bugged. Maybe after i find out what's going to happen with person talked about above things will be better... cuz it was wierd tonight.

ok... i better pack to go to richmond.


anyways, i'll leave you with a thought. go visit here.

and disregard here.

HA! that about sums up the night. hehehe... wow. Last night was so much fun! We started at el charros, where kerri almost made me cough up all of my margarita... then we rode in the back of Keith's pickup truck all the way to WV to PC! Then we drank lots of beer, had the dancers take dollars out of our shirts and pants, and then drank more beer. We got our picture taken with this HUGE black woman.. her breasts were bigger than mine and kerri's heads. Whoa. like crazy whoa. She was hilarious though!

then on the way home kerri took my shirt off and we entertained the truckers. i don't remember much of it but it was hilarious aparantly! hehehe... i got lots of bruises today from the truck ride. And then we took the basketball hoop for cannon... drove it all the way to squire hill! and then we had sheetz, and then we passed out. ha!

So that was my crazy last night. Now i'm just cleaning and going through debates in my head about what to do with my life. Right now, if i get the job with VCU police i'm definately doing that. But if not... I think I am going to sign into the Marines at the Officer Level. Call me crazy, but it sounds really cool. So... in a few months i may be living in either richmond or Quantico. Hm? I'm tired of applying for all these jobs and not getting any, and instead of enforcing local and state laws, why not take on cases and enforce US laws and defend the country? it's a big step up... and i'd be a second LT!

Share ye opinions.

i'm gonna get back to cleaning. just had to share my titty bar experience!

Good morning, blogworld.

So i got woken up today by Kohls. Yeah they got a transfer thing in for me so i can go get it now... great and all but it could have waited until after at least 10am to tell me that.

Seriously.

Well, i spent most of the morning looking for jobs online... I'm applying with Prince William County, and there's this random County in MD that i know nothing about... but what the hell, why not apply there? I'm thinking Philly too, and maybe a few other places. We'll see. I'm up for whatever... but whatever will probably land me in Richmond or Northern VA.

Plans for the rest of the day include cleaning this place cuz it is nasty like whoa, and brad's coming tomorrow. Then go to Kohls, the copy center, and possibly carrier library to print stuff and what not.

Tonight... is gonna be hilarious.

Keeping with the theme of this blog... we're going down to the Paradise City (where the grass is green and the girls are pretty! ;))

hehehe :)

It should be a fun time going there with the Dojo crew!


Will update more later if things change. PEACE!

Ok. So i do have SOME good friends who care... Sarah, you rock my world, and you're one of the few people who made my day :) I really, truly do miss you a ton... we really do rock girl, and i can't wait until we can get pictures of us in uniform ;)

"(I took sarah's SN out for privacy): girl, hang in there with your job search!! always remember that YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN THIS!! I"m here for you... even if I am in NOVA. I feel your pain, but you know what?? I also know that you've got a TON of potential and passion.. and those will take you VERY far in life. So what if some departments have rejected you? I have been rejected as well. Yes, it hurts like hell.. makes me feel like I'm a big loser or something. But they're just missing out. Also, God has great plans for you. It may not happen exactly the way you were expecting, but they will :-) Just remember that you are loved and never alone, ok?? And you can always call me if you need to vent. I'm here for you!"

So today turned around some...

And, i figured out that i have (had?) feelings for the wrong person... now i think i have feelings for the right one.:) And i think he told me he liked me too... or at least he told me i was hot. That's a start. ;) soooo we'll see where this goes. i hope that it does go somewhere.... i'm tired of being alone, and i want someone i can have fun with, and cuddle with, and watch movies with, and talk to. (and...;)) :-D You get the drift.

It's been a LONG time...

IN other news, VCU asked me to get 8 letters of recommendation today ASAP. EIGHT. are they insane? I think i got 8 people... and hopefully i'll get the job! Not exactly my first choice, but hey, it's a job. Two year commitment is required, buuuut if you leave early you ahve to pay something. We'll see. I don't particularly want to work there, and i would have rather stayed here, but if i have to move for work, then i will...

and brad's coming to visit on Sat! So that's happy too. Yay!

ok i'm off like a dress on prom night. peace.

So yeah. Here's my blogspot. Welcome. Tread it as often as you like...

Not much is going on here. Aside from my post-graduate no-job life. Someone needs to hire me. Hire me like whoa.

Is it bad I don't know what to do with my life? Well... I take that back. I want to be a police officer. Laugh all you want, belittle me, most people do. No department wants to hire me though. Find reasons to disqualify me... aparantly I'm not good enough for anyone. Not Henrico, Hanover, VSP, etc... I suck. If there's something seriously wrong with me someone please tell me so i can fix it. I would rather you tell me to my face

It's been a horrible month, aside from graduating from school. So much has happened in my personal life, and then with all these jobs... it hurts to just keep smiling and trying to go through every day and keep my head up. Beacuse I have been doing just that, and I feel like all i get is stones thrown at me. How are you supposed to keep smiling through this, and without anyone to catch you when you fall, or hug you when you need a hug? I feel like I'm there for people when they need it... but nobody ever is there for me.

and screw being "patient"... i am not going to be used again... or stand by to watch all that nastiness. You can't expect me to be there later, because i won't. You don't deserve either, let alone the best of both worlds!

::sigh::

i think i need to move out of here. NOW.

So... there you have it. Here's my blog. I'm a hitchhiker, hitchhiking my way through life. Won't you please pick me up?