The OLD FiReCrAcKeR

I believe- that you should think before you act.
I believe- that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.
I believe- that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.
I believe- that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.
I believe- that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
I believe- that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
I believe- that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.
I believe- that money is a lousy way of keeping score.
I believe- that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
I believe- that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.
I believe- that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.
I believe- that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.
I believe- that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them. I believe- that you can keep going long after you can't.
I believe- that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
I believe- that either you control your attitude or it controls you.
I believe- that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.
I believe- that money is a lousy way of keeping score.
I believe- that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.
I believe- that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.
I believe- that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
I believe- that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
I believe- that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
I believe- that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.
I believe- that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
I believe- that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other, and just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.
I believe- that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.
I believe- that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.
I believe- that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you you will find the strength to help.
I believe- that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.
I believe- that the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.
I believe- that my sisters and brothers give me hope: something that nobody should be denied.
I believe- that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I believe... in the impossible.

Let's say that you go to someone because of issues that you're having, mostly personal, but somewhat related to something that they can help you with. And the only reason you speak with them in the first place is because you need to speak with someone.... who you believe will listen. Directly afterward, they're all for helping you fix and work with the issues... until, all of a sudden, to you it seems like they aren't- and it's like you're stranded again. It's like you never turned to someone for help in the first place, but only this time, you have no where really TO turn, because you already exhausted the option that you had.

When you can't do anything else and you really don't have anywhere else to go it really sucks... it just makes you want to leave. If you can't be happy doing what you do, then you shouldn't be doing it... right? Well, what if you really did love what you do... but are beginnning to hate it?

I so just need a change. And there is NOTHING that I can do. It's like being forced to be held down, and as much as you try to get up- you just can't.

We ditched Joiner... for a new hot date with Austin ;--)

Joiner doesn't look too thrilled to be with us. I guess we'll have to break up! :--P

Amanda, Moffett and I at the Moose Banquet

With this upcoming election, I see people on AIM that have little tag lines and what not in their profiles. Whether it be "I believe in W" or "Plant a Bush back in Texas".... it seems like they are everywhere. I'm not saying that this is necessarily "wrong," buuut I believe that if you are going to take a strong stand for (or for the same matter, against) a candidate, that you have your facts straight.

As many of you know, I love playing devils advocate. Also, I love facts. I encourage everyone who is voting in the November election to take a look at the facts as they stand.

HERE are the facts: http://www.pickyourpresident.com/

Now, everyone has different morals and wishes. Of course not everyone will agree on everything (if we all did, there would be nothing such as violence and wars)... I just ask that you review the facts, and based on your own morals and knowledge make a decision. Know your facts, and make your best decision.

Just know that your right to vote means a little more than just filling in a dot on a piece of paper.

And if i ask you questions about the candidate you're advertising on your profile, it's just to see if you know what you're talking about... or if you're just another one who has joined a bandwagon.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Anyways. now my life...

Last night was so crazy at the PD. I don't think I left my console between 7pm and about 5am except once. wow. JMU kids... ya'll make HPD's weekends so much fun, I swear. :--P

Then today I went to the orchard to get some cider, and then ended up at Station 3 with the guys. Moffet had to make fun of me for last Saturday, of course. lol. (rightfully so, I deserved it).
Then we went with them to get gas in the engine and just hung around there for a little while longer... until we got a call for a fire involving a townhouse. Yeah, that was pretty crazy. Some guy took a picture of us there and got our names for a DNR thing. (will post later if it's in there)
Hung out there for about an hour and a half...

Oh, during it Chief 1 comes up and looks at me and amanda and says "look at all these single guys around you, you think you could find one of them to date you all". lol. Well then after he went back in the bldg, Mark Monger says "well you should tell him you all have already tried all the ones here." lol. Thanks guys. We love ya'll... really we do. :--P

Then after the fire we decided to go see Ladder 49 (again)... I love that movie. I don't think I have eaten that much popcorn at once in my entire life!!! :--X

So... end of story, I'm back here in my townhouse again... and looking into fire insurance. (figured that i really *should* have that since i advocate everyone else getting it... and after tonight... yeah.) Anyways, that's all I have for tonight. I'll update with pictures like i promised later. :--)

As random as that statement is, as has been my life in this past week.
(Amanda started singing that the other night... swearing it was a song. Karen and I said it sounded like something out of a porno. I dunno... ;--) )

Anyways. I feel kind of Blah at the moment. I don't really know why I'm in this wierd mood now. I feel as dark and grey and cold as sky and weather. I guess it just hasn't been a great week. Basically, because I have been *mildly* sick this week. (Right now it's my throat hurting. I hope it doesn't get worse. (2 reasons- have to be at work, and because I hate being sick!))

I would elaborate more about the feelings here but you don't need to hear it. (and I don't really want to type it). Just Hug me and I'll get over it sometime. :--P

So... I decided this past week that I was going to go back to school. Only not really "go back"... school will involve me and the internet. I'm applying to Jacksonville State University in Florida for a Master of Public Administration in Emergency Services Management degree. I'm not sure when I'm applying to go back to school, but I am at some point. :-)

I live to learn. (So should you, because at the moment you decide to stop learning is the moment that you decide to stop living.)

I took a look at a lot of the OT at the PD this past week too and discovered that I could only work one day of it... whoa. This means that I will have some unexpected free time in the next month, and have some unexpected time off! (crazy thought, eh?) So I'm looking for another lil job or something to do on the side. I'm getting back into my art stuff and making my stained glass and drawing pictures, so if you want to see any of it or would like me to paint/make/draw something for you, let me know and i'll see what i can do. I'm making a website with my work on it shortly... waiting 'till i think of a good domain name! (if you can think of one that is not taken one let me know!)

I will post more pictures this weekend... but hope the ones below are good enough for now! Have a great night everyone and it's finally time for bed for me!

FF challenge in Manassas... (this one is for danny)

life's a beach ;)

bennie's beach!

FF banquet

joiner and Mr. Walrus ;)

and that is the difference between newton and mankind which preceeded him. His way of thinking was far advanced for his time. he asked why and had that curiosity, that yearning... that has been passed down through many generations of mankind. Always ask why, never stop learning. yup. and so is my life...

went to richmond today to get stuff. that's about it. nothing really new in my life. did you expect otherwise? (if so, then sorry)

I also talked to my twin sister best friend tonight!! It's like 1/2 brain w/o her here. Anyways, its only 4 more days and then i get to see her again and we've got our firefighter banquet that we've been planning on going to... can't wait!! I've to work an OT shift Sat. before it... but then it should be a great night!! (I so need something fun in my life right now)

Anywho. There is a LOT more that i could write about, but I will refrain.

I'll update more later sometime.

goodnight. :)

Another day, another dollar... and a lot of dollars if you're working a day that's 12 hours of OT. Which was what today was for me. I'm not complaining about the money, and in fact it was a very slow and quiet day (i can say the "s" and "q" words now that I am at home).

Last night I went to the Mall after work and got my halloween costume for the costume party. It's called heidi-ho dress, and for those of you who went to Ireland/Germany with me this New Years and remember those German dancers (or see those cukoo (??) clocks with the dancers in them).... it looks kind of like that. I don't really know how to describe it other than that it's a really short skirt. :-O It was either that or the Dorothy costume from Wizard of Oz... i need longer hair for that. And a toto dog. So I went with the first one. If you come, you'll see it.

Even Burnie approved of the costume. :-)

Other than that, it's just been work. Wednesday I cleaned the townhouse with Amanda, and Thurs. I ran a lot of errands. A LOT of errands... and cleaned some more. By the way, if anyone has a weed eater or lawn mower that they could possibly lend me to cut my grass (i've a truck and can come get it)... PLEASE let me know. I'm getting desperate and can't afford one. :-/

Blah. I guess I'm kind of in a blah mood because I've to go a week without my best friend (i know, we're inseperable so how is this going to work!), and because I'm waiting on a phone call to figure out what the heck is going on in my life. (yes, a phone call.) lol.

Anyways... Amanda leaves tomorrow for the Bahamas and I don't know what I'm gonna do for the next week! On Sat when she gets back we're going to a banquet, which should be fun. I can't wait for that, this week needs to go by fast... I mean what are Joiner and I do do? I guess we'll find that out. ha.

And now to the other stuff. I've learned a lot about friendship in the past year, and it's many diversifications and supposed "meanings"... and I've made posts about friendship before but I'm gonna do it again because some people do not understand the concept of friendship.

When you find a friend that you can confide in, one that you can share anything with, and one that you know truly loves and cares for you, it's an amazing thing. It doesn't happen often, and many times we're not up to trusting someone, especially when we have been hurt by those who have called themselves our friends in the past. I have been told for example that I trust too many people and think with my heart and that is why I have been hurt so much. But there's no life to be lived if you say that you cannot trust another person or love.

Now... people who start rumors and things, I suppose they have nothing better to do than talk about other people's lives and exploit them. Why this phenomenon occurs, I have yet to determine. What is to be gained by starting a rumor? I also have yet to encounter the answer.

I have the personality type where I can keep my feelings contained (though it is REALLY hard for me to do), and other (most) times where I can flare and flash them out at you. (hence, the FiReCrAcKer). Most of you all know that. When I don't have anything to say to a person, I just don't say anything. Silence. Nada. I don't start rumors about others, and don't spread things around that shouldn't be spread around. People deserve their privacy, and unfortunately in a field like Police/Fire/Rescue... secrets/privacy and gossip are best friends.

While I don't approve of it, I really don't care if you talk about myself and my best friend. If you have an issue with one of us or both of us, for godsakes tell us, and don't go spreading shit around. It's immature. I don't know if you know what it's like to find a friend that you can tell anything (and everything... lol)... but when you do, it's an amazing thing. I guess that most people poke fun at situations like this because they do not know what it's like and haven't ever experienced being in a friendship like it. The rest of ya'll... i dunno.

I just know that rumor-spreading has gotten to a point that is way out of hand... and that ya'll need to know that Amanda and I... we don't take buLLshit. (there, there's your LL).


And another thing. I've been reading this book that Kelly gave Amanda and she gave me called "He's not that Into You"... and it is so true. If I had read it earlier it may have opened my eyes to things that were not working. It probably would have saved me from getting hurt again this summer. And this Spring. And every other relationship that I have been in. Dating is truly like a dance. Partners switch, and it's the same basic thing... that is until you find the perfect partner who knows how to sweep you off your feet and into your future. The one with whom you cannot dance without.

If you find him for me let me know...

... that's what this seems like! lol. It's my weekend off and I worked two of the three days. Oh well, i guess it's alright considering I had that robbery the other day. Gosh I love high priority incident things. For those of you not in the police/fire/rescue fields, you probably think that I am sick and wrong. But I don't care. Think it. :-P

Today I had a pretty good day. Well, I'm in a lot better mood now after talking things out and I think that only good things can come from that. I'm all for challenges and that's what I live for. I live to learn and any opportunity that I can benefit from that will cross my path- I will go for it.

I think that just made my week. :--)


So... I'm here and I'll be around this week and off on Wed. and Thurs. Until then it's the fourthreefourtwofivefourfive... you know where to get me if you need me!


::Short Fight Song:::


HAPPY SISTERHOOD WEEK!!! I Love my TBS Sisters!!!

also, while we're at it, happy Fire Prevention Week... kind of funny Ladder 49 came out when it did!

Life is great. ;--)

Ok. There is a LOT I could write about in rants and what not but i will restrain... at least until I discuss it with the proper authorities first. Shit doesn't need to be spread around more than it gets spread around.

For starters... I can't take it anymore. I am stressed, and incredibly burnt out. Out of 30 days in September, I have worked about 25.... Yeah... >: 0

***No, I'm not being sarcastic, not at all... NOT at all***

I need to go fire some rampage up somewhere. Just finding the right place (and time off...) will be key.

::Sigh::

I cannot take it anymore!

Anyways, today i had about 2 hours of sleep, after which i went to yet another day of work. Well, today actually turned out to be fun because I got to play Robbery. I love when shit goes down. Anyways, to make a long story short, that made my day better.... at least it was the brighter part.

And Mark Monger rocks for buying me lunch. :-) That was also a highlight.

Then comes the ECC Mixer. It was cool to see the bldg, esp since i hadn't seen it since last year around this time- and it has come so far! I seriously cannot wait to have the opportunity to dispatch for fire and rescue.... because the same thing day in and day out with the PD is getting a little old. (its not always the same thing, but most the time it is)

Around 5 I left with Amanda to get tickets to Ladder 49.... WOW. Thats all i can say. It's a lot different than backdraft... but it encompasses loyalty, brotherhood, and passion all together in one movie. I think it jerks your every emotion the way that it is written.

So.. go see it.

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"Shine Your Light" by Robbie Robertson
(From Ladder 49)

The cry of the city like a siren's song
Wailing over the rooftops the whole night long
Saw a shooting star like a diamond in the sky
Must be someone's soul passing by

These are the streets
Where we used to run where your Papa's from
These are the days
Where you become what you become
These are the streets
Where the story's told
The truth unfolds
Darkness settles in
Shine your light down on me
Lift me up so i can see
Shine your light when you're gone
Give me the strength
To carry on, carry on

Don't wanna be a hero
Just an everyday man
Trying to do the job the very best he can
But now it's like living on borrowed time
Out on the rim, over the line
Always tempting fate like a game of chance
Never wanna stick around to the very last dance
Sometimes i stumble and take a hard fall
Loose hold your grip off the wall

Shine your light down on me
Lift me up so i can see
Shine your light when you're gone
Give me the strength to carry on
Carry on

I thought i saw him walking by the side of the road
Maybe trying to find his way home
He's here but not here
He's gone but not gone
Just hope he knows if I get lost

Shine your light down on me
Lift me up so i can see
Shine your light when you're gone
Give me the strength to carry on
To carry on