The OLD FiReCrAcKeR
Friday, February 25, 2005
Criders, snow, and thoughts...
What a crazy two weeks. So much is going on right now in my life that I don’t even know what to post…
I guess life is like that… you definatley can’t ever predict what will happen, and there are times when you feel the world is beating you for no reason… but that’s when you just have to step back, surrender your faith to God, and he will answer.
I guess you could say that I’ve learned a lot about myself, and who more of my true friends are this past few weeks. Those who spared time to be with me, who pulled me out of what I was in, and are still pulling me out, those who genuinely “listen” to me, with no questions asked.
To Donna, Lisa, Tasha, Joiner, McKinney, and Chad… I will always be there for you when you need me, no questions asked. If you need to talk, you know how to find me. You all are my world, and I am so grateful to each and every one of you too!
When you truly love someone, you have to let them go to see if they will come back to you. I’m sure that everyone has heard that line. When you feel something that you can’t explain… but you need to let them go, to find yourself, before you can continue on your journey with another. That is the broken crossroads in which we currently stand. This place, you can stand and look at one another, and not say a word, for deep down it is understood. Perhaps my journey will still be pothole-laden and full of curves and twists. Perhaps it will be rainy, or snowy… or maybe it will be sunny and warm. It’s left up to fate, walking blindly, with my heart and my faith leading the way.
I went driving to Pendleton yesterday… which probably was not the best idea considering the snow. But… when I reached the top of the mountain and stopped, I lay there in the back of my truck… watching the snow quietly fall on me and around me. In that moment I realized more about my life than I had ever known, and I cannot explain it here. I guess you could say that I found God, and he was with me. God is always with you… you just need moments like that to realize it. At that moment in time, everything was ok… and I believe that everything will be ok as well.
This below was written by Bill Ferguson… read it, hate it, love it. I’m posting it.
“The experience of love is an inner state. When this is present, you are happy, alive and free. You feel good about yourself and good about life. As you bring the experience of love into your life, life works effortlessly and great things happen. It’s opposite is fear and upset. When this is present, you close down inside. you lose your creativity and your ability to see clearly. You get tunnel vision and you interact in a way that almost always makes your situation worse.
Whether you live in a state of love or a state of upset depends, not on your circumstances, but on how your relate to your circumstances. A good way to see this is to look at upsets. Upsets seem to be caused by what happens but they're not. Upsets are caused by your fighting and resisting what happens. To see this in your life, select a recent upset. Now notice what would happen if somehow you were at peace with what happened. There would be no upset.
There would be no upset because upsets aren't caused by what happened. Upsets are caused by fighting and resisting what happened. The moment you take away the fighting and resisting, the upset disappears. To live in the experience of love, and to create a life that works, you need to stop the fighting and resisting. You do this through a process called "letting go."
Letting go is the inner action that releases the fear and upset. The moment you let go, everything seems to change. With the fear and upset gone, you see your situation very differently. You become creative and discover solutions that you could never have seen before.
To let go, you need to do the opposite of fighting and resisting. You need to let go of your demands and expectations for how life should be and make peace with the way life is. Find what you are resisting. Then give it full permission to be there. If you have a fear of losing a relationship, be willing to lose it. If you are resisting the way someone is, give the person full permission to be that way.
Be willing for anything. Set yourself free inside. Then take whatever action you need to have your life be great. Keep in mind that letting go is a state of mind and has nothing to do with your actions. Letting go is the process that removes the fear and upset so you can see what action you need to take. In your heart, you can be willing to lose someone, but in your actions, do everything you can to make sure the person feels so loved that he or she would never want to leave.
To make letting go a little easier, there are several steps you can take. The first is trusting. Trust that no matter what happens, you will be okay. When you know that you will be okay, letting go becomes relatively easy.
Trusting is also telling the truth. You really will be okay no matter what happens. Life is only threatening when you resist. So stop resisting and trust. Trust that no matter what happens, you will be okay.
The second step in the process of letting go is to be willing to feel your hurt. Be willing to feel all the hurt and the feelings of being not okay that your circumstances reactivate. Be willing to feel the hurt of being worthless or not good enough.
The avoidance of this hurt is what makes you resist. Once you are willing to feel this hurt, the need to resist disappears. You can then let go.
For example, Robert had a fear of losing his wife Jan. To make sure she didn't leave, he hung on to her. His hanging on then pushed her further and further away. Robert was afraid of losing Jan because if she left him, this would reactivate all his hurt of feeling not worth loving. To avoid this hurt. He hung on.
Once he was willing to feel his hurt, the loss of Jan ceased to be a treat. He no longer needed to hang on and became willing for her to leave. The moment this happened he changed the way he related to her. Instead of needing Jan, he started treasuring her. Jan then felt so loved and able to be herself, she didn't want to leave.
This is what happens in life. The more you are able to let go and flow with life, the more life takes care of itself. You may not always get what you want, but you can always be free inside. You can restore both your peace of mind and your effectiveness. You can create a life that works.”
I guess you could say that that hit home… and I am still learning how to “let go”… I think most people are. Anyways… I’m just going to lie here with Mr. Burke and Madison and wait until later when Lisa gets off. Below is a little poem I wrote last night at work. For all you who spy on my folder on the J drive… don’t think I don’t know. It’s there too. So read it... not that you haven’t already.
The story of Huntley, the Bowhunting Bear
What I am hunting you can’t see with your eyes
It is a feeling of love, to be “whole” inside.
With the wind, the water, the sky, and the sun
I’m just looking for a life that’s just happy and fun.
Where can I find this, where does it lie?
Is it near the stream, or up where that bird flies?
Or is it perched in a tree, or in that old boat?
I hunt day in and day out,
Seeking answers to even those questions
That I haven’t yet figured out how to ask.
I am hunting for my soul.
Growing, learning, hoping, and wishing-
Hinting the purpose of this mystery called life.
For this I must be patient, and true to myself.
I must let my heart lead my way.
For I am a blind hunter in this forest called life.
May God bless the bare ground I tread.
May I love my family and friends
I pray I never hurt them and that they know I care
But perhaps most importantly…
May I find who I am… and may I love myself.For I am a hunter of happiness… a seeker of my soul…
I guess life is like that… you definatley can’t ever predict what will happen, and there are times when you feel the world is beating you for no reason… but that’s when you just have to step back, surrender your faith to God, and he will answer.
I guess you could say that I’ve learned a lot about myself, and who more of my true friends are this past few weeks. Those who spared time to be with me, who pulled me out of what I was in, and are still pulling me out, those who genuinely “listen” to me, with no questions asked.
To Donna, Lisa, Tasha, Joiner, McKinney, and Chad… I will always be there for you when you need me, no questions asked. If you need to talk, you know how to find me. You all are my world, and I am so grateful to each and every one of you too!
When you truly love someone, you have to let them go to see if they will come back to you. I’m sure that everyone has heard that line. When you feel something that you can’t explain… but you need to let them go, to find yourself, before you can continue on your journey with another. That is the broken crossroads in which we currently stand. This place, you can stand and look at one another, and not say a word, for deep down it is understood. Perhaps my journey will still be pothole-laden and full of curves and twists. Perhaps it will be rainy, or snowy… or maybe it will be sunny and warm. It’s left up to fate, walking blindly, with my heart and my faith leading the way.
I went driving to Pendleton yesterday… which probably was not the best idea considering the snow. But… when I reached the top of the mountain and stopped, I lay there in the back of my truck… watching the snow quietly fall on me and around me. In that moment I realized more about my life than I had ever known, and I cannot explain it here. I guess you could say that I found God, and he was with me. God is always with you… you just need moments like that to realize it. At that moment in time, everything was ok… and I believe that everything will be ok as well.
This below was written by Bill Ferguson… read it, hate it, love it. I’m posting it.
“The experience of love is an inner state. When this is present, you are happy, alive and free. You feel good about yourself and good about life. As you bring the experience of love into your life, life works effortlessly and great things happen. It’s opposite is fear and upset. When this is present, you close down inside. you lose your creativity and your ability to see clearly. You get tunnel vision and you interact in a way that almost always makes your situation worse.
Whether you live in a state of love or a state of upset depends, not on your circumstances, but on how your relate to your circumstances. A good way to see this is to look at upsets. Upsets seem to be caused by what happens but they're not. Upsets are caused by your fighting and resisting what happens. To see this in your life, select a recent upset. Now notice what would happen if somehow you were at peace with what happened. There would be no upset.
There would be no upset because upsets aren't caused by what happened. Upsets are caused by fighting and resisting what happened. The moment you take away the fighting and resisting, the upset disappears. To live in the experience of love, and to create a life that works, you need to stop the fighting and resisting. You do this through a process called "letting go."
Letting go is the inner action that releases the fear and upset. The moment you let go, everything seems to change. With the fear and upset gone, you see your situation very differently. You become creative and discover solutions that you could never have seen before.
To let go, you need to do the opposite of fighting and resisting. You need to let go of your demands and expectations for how life should be and make peace with the way life is. Find what you are resisting. Then give it full permission to be there. If you have a fear of losing a relationship, be willing to lose it. If you are resisting the way someone is, give the person full permission to be that way.
Be willing for anything. Set yourself free inside. Then take whatever action you need to have your life be great. Keep in mind that letting go is a state of mind and has nothing to do with your actions. Letting go is the process that removes the fear and upset so you can see what action you need to take. In your heart, you can be willing to lose someone, but in your actions, do everything you can to make sure the person feels so loved that he or she would never want to leave.
To make letting go a little easier, there are several steps you can take. The first is trusting. Trust that no matter what happens, you will be okay. When you know that you will be okay, letting go becomes relatively easy.
Trusting is also telling the truth. You really will be okay no matter what happens. Life is only threatening when you resist. So stop resisting and trust. Trust that no matter what happens, you will be okay.
The second step in the process of letting go is to be willing to feel your hurt. Be willing to feel all the hurt and the feelings of being not okay that your circumstances reactivate. Be willing to feel the hurt of being worthless or not good enough.
The avoidance of this hurt is what makes you resist. Once you are willing to feel this hurt, the need to resist disappears. You can then let go.
For example, Robert had a fear of losing his wife Jan. To make sure she didn't leave, he hung on to her. His hanging on then pushed her further and further away. Robert was afraid of losing Jan because if she left him, this would reactivate all his hurt of feeling not worth loving. To avoid this hurt. He hung on.
Once he was willing to feel his hurt, the loss of Jan ceased to be a treat. He no longer needed to hang on and became willing for her to leave. The moment this happened he changed the way he related to her. Instead of needing Jan, he started treasuring her. Jan then felt so loved and able to be herself, she didn't want to leave.
This is what happens in life. The more you are able to let go and flow with life, the more life takes care of itself. You may not always get what you want, but you can always be free inside. You can restore both your peace of mind and your effectiveness. You can create a life that works.”
I guess you could say that that hit home… and I am still learning how to “let go”… I think most people are. Anyways… I’m just going to lie here with Mr. Burke and Madison and wait until later when Lisa gets off. Below is a little poem I wrote last night at work. For all you who spy on my folder on the J drive… don’t think I don’t know. It’s there too. So read it... not that you haven’t already.
The story of Huntley, the Bowhunting Bear
What I am hunting you can’t see with your eyes
It is a feeling of love, to be “whole” inside.
With the wind, the water, the sky, and the sun
I’m just looking for a life that’s just happy and fun.
Where can I find this, where does it lie?
Is it near the stream, or up where that bird flies?
Or is it perched in a tree, or in that old boat?
I hunt day in and day out,
Seeking answers to even those questions
That I haven’t yet figured out how to ask.
I am hunting for my soul.
Growing, learning, hoping, and wishing-
Hinting the purpose of this mystery called life.
For this I must be patient, and true to myself.
I must let my heart lead my way.
For I am a blind hunter in this forest called life.
May God bless the bare ground I tread.
May I love my family and friends
I pray I never hurt them and that they know I care
But perhaps most importantly…
May I find who I am… and may I love myself.For I am a hunter of happiness… a seeker of my soul…
:: posted by Laura, 17:27
